ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
