Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
