woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize