K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
