i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
