I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
