you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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