I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
