i would punch a child for taco bell
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
