I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
