my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize