every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
