Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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