I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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