What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize