I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
