I want to walk on stilts...naked
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
