i'm signing you up for texting rehab
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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