I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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