Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
