it's like iHOP with fire
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
