We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
