Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
