How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
