Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Blood and glitter go together right?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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