There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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