just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
