i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You pole danced in your parka.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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