trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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