and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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