im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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