Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
