I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We had sex on a dog bed..
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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