If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
