Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize