He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
