Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
