Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
farters have to be the big spoon...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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