sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
