umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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