I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
