you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
