my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
