He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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