then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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