So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Your dad touched me again.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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