wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
