i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
