I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
