I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize