Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
