I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
When are your genitals available?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
