The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
