don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
