EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
