The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
that may or may not have been my penis.
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