I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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