Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
