I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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