Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
