I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
