Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
