Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
