Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
