bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
