dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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