Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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