Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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