If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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