Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
