Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize