just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
