I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
