white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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