so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
