Cold hands, warm shart.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
