Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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