Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
