why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Couch. On fire.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
