You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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