i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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