And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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