If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
