So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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