The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
