It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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