Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Randomize
